The Perfect Reason For More Sex
by Michael Myerscough
Satisfaction with your relationship leads to you making more opportunities for sex. More frequent sex leads to happier couples and happier couples have sex more than unhappy couples.
Isn’t that fantastic!
One reason why some people have poor sex lives is the fact they have too high standards. One of my clients had a demand that sex be ‘perfect’ every time and perfectionism is a dangerous disease. As a ‘perfectionist in recovery’, I like to keep this quote in mind:
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won’t have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren’t’ even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they’re doing it.” It comes from a book called “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott.
This client wouldn’t have sex if he were feeling tired, unhappy, withdrawn, or slightly less than besotted with his partner. This is unfortunate given that sexual arousal produces large doses of fantastic feeling hormones. Oxytocin in particular leaves us feeling much cuddlier and this is always good for the relationship. The experts generally agree that couples that bless themselves with a range of sexual expression have fewer conflicts and better relationships.
I’ve observed that the gap between people’s expectations and their reality can cause a surprising amount of trouble. It’s been said that disappointment requires adequate planning. The fabulous Adrienne Burgess makes an interesting point in her book “Will you still love me tomorrow?” She tells us there is statistical evidence that if either party in a relationship has experienced better sex in another long-term relationship, it creates problems.
So if we’re looking to have great sex, it’s important to start out by having regular sex. As my yoga guru says, “Do your practice and all is coming”.