Why Aren't We Happy In Our Marriage Relationships?
By: Dave Cole
My perfect mate would be.....a combination of:
Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, Betty Crocker, Helen Hunt, Helen Keller, Annie Oakley,
Lucille Ball, Cindy Crawford, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, Ann Landers,
Angela Lansbury, Martha Stewart, June Cleaver....plus the best qualities
of each of: my former girlfriends, my current wife, my grandmothers, and my
Take the qualities I like in each of those women, put them all
together into one, and you have my perfect soulmate.
Now a woman like that's not too hard to find is it?
What I (men in general) want from a woman would include:
good sex partner and one who is willing to
have sex whenever I want,
a companion to avoid loneliness,
mother of my children,
a best friend,
someone to boost my ego,
a good conversationalist,
someone who will not judge or criticize me,
someone who leaves me
alone when I want to be left alone,
someone who is fun to be around, yet
quiet and humble, but also bold and adventurous.
Someone who cooks my
meals, and cleans my house and changes diapers, and has a big income and is
sexually attractive and alluring doing it!!!
Now, if I were to put all
the qualities I want in a woman and then EXPECT this woman to be all
of the above and meet all my needs all the time and in every
Is there anyone reading this that fully agrees I would be
hard pressed to find such a woman to start with, and does anyone agree that
no woman could even half begin to have all those qualities and further to
fill all those needs of mine?
Of course not!
So I have all these
needs and desires and even more than above, plus my needs and wants vary from
time to time and from event to event, yet for some odd reason, I expect my
wife to fulfill all of my needs and even to have the ability to change and
move with my every whim and changing fancy and then react and compensate
And that doesn't even take into account her
individual needs and changes and desires.
It's actually quite
ludicrous of me to even think for a minute that one partner could meet all
my needs and fulfill all my desires and react as I think they should and
be all things to all people all the time......
And yet, isn't that one
big reason why most of us are un-happy in a relationship or
We somehow expect our partner to "know" what we are thinking
and feeling and then react and do the things "we think they should be doing"
at each and every situation and circumstance.
And further, we would
want our partner to be all things to us at all times....then when it doesn't
happen we get disappointed.
It was a major shock after I got married,
expecting my new wife to meet all my needs and desires, and then woke up
the next morning only to find I had married a real human being with needs,
opinions, and desires of her own.
Can you imagine that?
like my baseball team. If I expect one of my players to be able to be a
catcher, pitcher, infielder, outfielder, plus be the best hitter... one
player that can do anything well and do it all the time.... then I'm going to
have an awfully difficult time finding such a player.
Yet, for the
most of us, we expect our partner to be everything we ever wanted and to
fulfill all our needs and desires and whims and not complain doing
and also to do it without having to be told.
One of our biggest
reasons why we are not having happy marriages is because we expect our
partner to be able to fulfill and suit all our needs and do it on
a continual basis and be able to change and adapt with each varying
I can't be all the things my wife needs at all times, and I
recognize that. It would drive me crazy even trying to be somebody like that.
And neither can she be Betty Crocker and Ann Landers and Paris Hilton and
all of the above personalities rolled into one.
So wouldn't it be much
easier for me and better for my relationship, to accept my partner's
limitations and their strong points and not go around expecting her to be
everything I need all the time?
Wouldn't that make it easier and better
to have a quality relationship if we didn't expect our partners to behave
and be someone they're not?
Perhaps if we accepted our partners as they
were, with all their flaws and imperfections and focused a little more on
their strong and good points, we would all be happier in our
When I Love You Purely
When I love you purely, I wish for you to be always happy and healthy.
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