by Linda Lovejoy, M.A., L.M.H.C.
Yes! There are at least ten ways that couples can experience attraction. Yet far too often, people act as if the only type of attraction that exists is physical chemistry. Sometimes a couple may need to bond intellectually or spiritually before they connect to that essential magical physical chemistry that everyone seeks and desires. This article is going to explore the ways that couples bond and experience attraction.
Physical attraction is based upon a mental image that we have in our head of the “perfect partner”. When we see someone with these physical characteristics such as “tall, dark, and handsome” or “a blond bombshell”. Somewhere in our psyche it registers as “this is THE ONE!!!” and hence the fireworks and chemistry. If you rely strictly on the initial fireworks, you could be walking away from your soul mate without even realizing it.
Other people are attracted to their partner for material reasons, such as money, possessions, or prestige. If you fall in love solely for financial reasons, your relationship will fluctuate based on the strength of the economy and the size of their bank account.
When there is a willingness to be challenged intellectually and engage in stimulating conversation, there often an enjoyable meeting of minds that can help solidify a relationship.
People often connect through a shared interest. They may both love the same sports team; enjoy dancing; or playing a good game of chess. Whatever the common interest, it can prove to be the glue that will keep a relationship together.
It is absolutely essential that a couple insist on their cherished values being compatible with their partner. If you compromise your values, you will be letting a vital part of yourself die. No relationship can be healthy and enjoyable if one person is feeling like their core values must be denied for the relationship to survive.
A fond attraction may start by finding someone who makes you laugh. The pleasurable sensations that come from laughter can help couples weather many a difficult time.
People may connect because they share similar lifestyles, such as being world travelers, being family-oriented, or being health conscious. There is a sense of comfort that comes from being about someone who lives his or her life in a similar fashion.
Some people are just the creative type. They are artistic, love poetry, or are the type that “thinks outside of the box”. The creative juices of an individual may be that delightful spice that makes a relationship interesting.
9. Life purpose
Individuals may find a strong attraction to another person because they share a similar life purpose (i.e. “save the whales”, “stomp out child abuse”, “feed the hungry”, etc.). In many cases the passion that a person has for their cause will be transferred to a person who also shares the same passion.
Attraction based on common spiritual beliefs will cause a couple to approach life in a similar manner. They will make life decisions, celebrate holidays, and treat each other consistent with their common beliefs.
The spark of romance may be lit, merely from finding your partner intriguing or mysterious. Their life experiences are very different from yours and therefore is a breath of fresh air that challenges you to expand your horizons and grow as a person. For example, an international traveler who has visited and lived in many different cultures may have that special "intrigue" for someone who has always been a homebody.