Learning to love yourself
by Marni Homer
We’ve all heard it before…before anyone can love you, you must love yourself. You must know yourself intimately to truly understand who you are and what you want out of life. You must like yourself for other’s to like you. You should be confident, be self assured, hold your head up high and most of all be truly happy in yourself.
If you already have these attributes, then you are one of the lucky ones. Most young people I know do not have these skills and for some people, gaining these skills is something they never manage to achieve. These people go through life with low self esteem, no self confidence and usually wind up in situations that are not good for them. They are never truly happy with themselves or with the lives they create, and they do not have the skills or the ability to change their situation. These people may go through their entire lives like this, simply because they lack the knowledge that is needed to make a difference.
For those of you who have been lucky enough to learn these skills when you were young, then my hat goes off to you. If you were lucky enough to have super parents, you may have been taught these skills and attributes.
You may be brimming with self confidence and self esteem, know yourself intimately and know exactly where you want to go in life. You are confident and self assured and nothing anyone says or does has any real affect on you, because you know who you are and what you are about. You like yourself immensely and there is nothing you would really want to change about yourself.
You may have a lot of friends, a strong family backup system and be truly comfortable with yourself. Everything may be pretty rosy for you in this respect and if this is you then you are winning already.
Some of us have not had the fortune to be taught what we needed to know until later in life. Personally, I went through hell at school, with children who I had nothing in common with, and no real idea on how to fit in. I tried everything I could possibly think of to be liked and loved, but no matter what I did, it never worked out.
My older sister was even more unpopular than I was. This gave me a temporary excuse to use for my own problems. Having followed a few years behind her, it was easy for me to claim that it was her actions that caused my trouble. I had to face reality when I changed schools and went somewhere she had never been. I was still unpopular and still being picked on, and there was no way I could claim my sister’s actions.
My parents were not social people, so I was never taught the necessary skills on how to interact with others. I was left to my own devices trying to work out what was right and wrong in social situations. It wasn’t until I was much older that I gained the skills I so needed.
I gained these skills through dealings with some very special people in my life. I truly believe that for most of us, it is other people in our lives that can start you on the road to self confidence.
One very special person in my life showed me the way to develop my self confidence. This person gave me something that no other person had given me in my entire life. He had given me a reason to believe in myself. The way he made me feel was an amazing gift…one I will treasure for ever. He taught me that I was ok, that I was beautiful and that I could make it in this world on my own. With his help, I was able to start seeing all the beautiful things about myself that had always been there, but had never been able to surface before. Reflecting back, this is where my self-esteem and self – confidence began to grow.
For the first time in my life, I could actually see that I was beautiful and in the months following, made the most of the situation. I went out, made new friends and even flirted like crazy with a young guy at a bar I regularly attended.
As time went by, the thoughts I had of myself began to change and change for the better. With each new life experience came lessons that I had never been taught before and in a very short time, I became confident and self – assured.
It can happen for you too.
No matter what you think of yourself, I can guarantee you it is not how other people see you. It may surprise you, but I am sure you will find that things you thought were not good, are not that bad after all.
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