We often have the perception that self-growth will be simple, enjoyable, and
rewarding. It certainly can be, but there is also another aspect of the
self-growth journey that is rarely mentioned. And that is, when everything
One of the major parts of self-growth is learning how to look
inside yourself and get clear about certain things. Most often, this
involves recognizing and dissolving inner blockages. These are usually
deep-rooted beliefs that we formed in childhood, or at least the early part
of our lives. Sounds good, right? It's very good, actually, because these
beliefs are usually what prevent us from living fully productive lives.
These are the beliefs that keep us stuck in self-destructive patterns and
have a negative effect on all aspects of our lives. So dissolving them is an
The problem is that these deep-rooted beliefs are part of the foundation
upon which our current lives are built. When we dissolve inner blockages,
there are suddenly gaping holes in our foundation, which cannot support what
is resting above them. Inevitably, something will slip down into the hole,
causing pain and turmoil and terror.
That's what happened to me this week. My eyes were opened in a big way
about a blockage I had been struggling with since early childhood. I finally
felt totally clear on why it was there, and I understood exactly what I
needed to do to dissolve it. So, I set about doing just that -- and then
everything fell apart. That's the understatement of the century. Everything
I thought I knew about my life suddenly became a lie, and I was shaken to my
I spent a couple of days feeling shell-shocked. Then another couple of
days grieving. Then the light dawned. Finally, I understood what was
happening, and I could see clearly how everything is interconnected. It was
no accident that everything fell apart just when I was finally making
progress on my inner blockages. They fell apart BECAUSE I was making
progress on my inner blockages.
As painful as it is, it's a good thing, because my life circumstances
were built on lies. The lies were the early beliefs I had formed about
myself since childhood. Once I began changing those beliefs, my life
circumstances began changing also. Change is good, but it can also be scary
and painful as hell. It is necessary however, because in order to build
something better, we need to tear down what already exists.
In my own experiences, I've noticed that there is a direct correlation
between the size of the blockages we dissolve, and the magnitude of
destruction it causes in our lives. If we dissolve a small blockage,
something small will fall apart in relation. Maybe our car will break down,
or we will develop a minor illness. When we dissolve a very LARGE blockage,
something equally as large will begin to slide into the abyss. Our marriage
might fall apart. Or we might lose our job. Or we might experience a more
serious illness or accident. As frightening as this sounds, it's a very
important part of the process because it makes us sit up and take notice!
Most often, the parts of our lives that begin to fall apart weren't that
great to begin with. They didn't serve our higher purpose, even though we
may have felt comfortable with them.
So, how do we deal with the pain and fear when everything falls apart?
Our first reaction might be to run away to avoid feeling the pain. Another
reaction might be to try and put everything back the way it was before it
fell apart. But doing so only delays the process. Remember that the
destruction is necessary in order to make room for the rebuilding of
In order to complete the process, we need to stay with it. Yes, there
will likely be pain and discomfort involved. There will be fear. There will
be anger and grief. But there will also be an awakening deeper than any we
have experienced before, and our eyes will be opened in powerful ways.
Here's how to stay with the process through its completion:
1) Look closer.
When everything falls apart, pay special attention to the exact
circumstances that have begun deteriorating. This gives you a BIG clue about
the biggest lies (limiting beliefs you have formed) about yourself, and your
life. Look for the connection between the blockages you are dissolving, and
the circumstances that are coming apart at the seams. For example, if you
have begun exploring your true talents and abilities, and then you suddenly
lose your job, a little introspection may help you to realize that your job
didn't allow you to USE those talents and abilities, so it needed to be
removed to make way for a more fulfilling career. Sometimes the connections
can be a little more vague and you may have to dig a little deeper. It may
take some time to fully understand how everything is related, but if you
keep at it, you will come to understand it and you can then use that
knowledge to rebuild something better.
Yes, you MUST allow yourself to grieve! Just because the old
circumstances were built on "lies" doesn't mean you won't feel a sense of
loss and sadness as they unravel. Allow yourself to go through that. Cry as
much as you need to, and stay with the sadness for as long as necessary to
move completely through it.
3) Follow through with the destruction.
As much as you might want to try and "fix" everything immediately, don't
do it yet. Instead, take an active role in continuing the destruction of
that which no longer serves you. Hell yes, it's going to hurt. But at the
same time, it will be so incredibly freeing and empowering. Maybe for the
first time in your life, you will feel in control of your circumstances. You
will be choosing to release self-limiting beliefs, and free yourself from
self-destructive patterns. This "destruction" process can take many forms,
but it usually involves releasing circumstances that no longer correspond
with your newly emerging beliefs, such as unproductive relationships,
unfulfilling jobs, etc. Be willing to let them go, and prepare yourself for
the creation of something more meaningful.
4) Form new beliefs.
Once you dissolve your old beliefs, you will need to form new beliefs to
take their place. Usually this means replacing limiting beliefs with
empowering ones. This is a process all its own, and it will take time to
fully reinforce the new beliefs in your mind and heart. A helpful activity
is to write out the old beliefs, and then write your new (and usually
opposite) beliefs right next to them. Example: Old belief, "I am not worthy
of love." New belief, "I am worthy of love. I deserve to be loved." Then
simply keep reinforcing these new beliefs until they become a strong part of
5) Begin rebuilding.
This is the fun part! It can be a bit confusing, however. What do we
build? And how? Especially if the destruction process was particularly
painful and life altering, we may feel at a loss about where to begin again.
And the answer is: let your heart lead you. Think about what you really want
your life to be, and then begin taking the steps to create it. That might
involve getting an exciting new job, or moving to a new location, or
building new relationships. The important thing is to be sure that your old
beliefs have been replaced by new, empowering ones. Otherwise you will
simply re-create circumstances that don't serve you, and you'll eventually
have to go through the destruction process all over again! Listen closely to
the urgings of your heart, and use them to guide you along the path to a
This isn't an easy process by any means. But it is oh so fulfilling and
exhilarating if we embrace it and allow it to happen without fighting
against the pain and fear. Through our trials and challenges come new levels
of growth, wisdom, and inner strength beyond our wildest dreams. We just
need to stay with the process and watch for the rainbows after the storm.
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Wendy Betterini is a freelance writer in New England, USA. You can see
more of her work at her websites, www.WingsForTheHeart.com and
www.CreativeWorkatHome.com, or learn more about her at